Evading Arrest (99 Problems)

So a lot of people heard that I got arrested last night, and they've been tweeting and messaging me to find out what happened and whether or not I was joking. No, It wasn't a joke. It really did happen. And rather than tell the whole story a million times to everyone who asks, I figured I'd just put it here (maybe as a prelude to my official statement to the police). But first, since this blog is actually about Hip-Hop I feel inclined to draw a connection. The whole ordeal reminded me pf this song by Jay-Z. Please give it a listen and pay close attention to the 2nd verse. For those who may have trouble following the lyrics, click to listen and follow along here. For those readers whose ears have always only heard the soft dew falling on green petals in the gardens of goodness, please be advised you may be offended by some of the content. In other words, the following video contains explicit lyrics; parental discretion is advised.

My wife is headed to the inauguration with some family members. They live in south Texas and had planned to drive the entire way to D.C. The plan was for me to drop her off at a half way point when they stopped to sleep for the night. It just so happened that the rendezvous point chosen was Nashville, which was a benefit for me because I've got family about an hour away in Clarksville and could use the trip to pay a quick little visit.

The plan when off without a hitch. We were a little late getting on the road though, so we didn't make it to Nashville until after 10 (pm). So we chatted a bit and I determined to get back on the road so I can try and settle down before it gets too late. Plus, the Heat are playing the Lakers and I really wanna see Lebron beat up on Kobe again. I talked to my nephew on the phone as I was leaving Nashville and he told me that it was only halftime. The GPS said 1hr and 4 mins, so I'm hoping that I can catch at least some of the game.

By this time its just after 11 (pm) and the roads are clear so I'm making pretty good time on my way. The speed limit was 70 on the highway so I set the cruise control to about 76-77. I didn't wanna be speeding, but I was trying to catch at least a little bit of the game. I scanned the radio and found the local ESPN station and to my surprise they were calling the game live. I caught the third quarter just as it was starting and was listening with great delight as the Lebron and the Heat are successfully keeping the Lakers in check. It was at about 3-5 minutes left in the third quarter when the drama started.

Just like Jay-Z said, I noticed in my rear view mirror a car following me pretty close. I had a strong feeling that it was a cop because I know enough about cars that I can tell those Crown Victoria head lamps anywhere. Problem is, he was following me too close. Then he would drop back real far and then a few minutes later he was up on my bumper again. He was really driving kinda erratic, and so now he got me kinda worried. I'm checkin my rearview mirror thinkin all kinda crazy thoughts about Tennessee rednecks, KKK, and the like.

At one point I was in the slow lane and he pulled up beside me like he was going to pass, but stayed right near my back fender. Meanwhile, I'm comin up behind an 18-wheeler. Sidenote - I hate when people do that. They act like they wanna pass you, but then when you need to pass the car in front of you, they wanna ride next to you like you're partners. So in an effort to not have to reset my cruise control, I sped up, got in front of him, passed the truck, and got back over into the slow lane. All the while, I'm still not sure that this is a cop. The road is too dark, and I can't really tell. I'm actually pretty worried cause I'm feeling kinda harassed.  I just prayed, "Lord help me get there safe." I don't need no issues with these crazy people out here.

That's when the game was gettin pretty good. Ray Allen came in the and hit a quick shot. NBA legend Chris Mullin was calling the game and commented that, "Ray Allen is the greatest shooter of all time!" I thought to myself, WOW! I pulled out my phone and started to tweet about it (don't judge me), but I felt myself veer to the right a little bit and then I remembered that I still had this cop riding my bumper so I opted to put the phone away. Just then, he rides up close on my bumper again. And finally, he flips his lights on.

Wow!

Here's the thing. I'm just about 7 exits away from where I'm going, but it's still some straight deep thick forest, so there's no way in the world I'm stopping out here in the middle-of-nowhere-darkness. It's just my luck though that there's an exit coming right up. I slowed, signaled right and exited. As I got on the exit ramp, I slowed down even more and turned on my hazard lights so that he knew that I saw him and that I wasn't trying to run. I got to the end of the ramp and there was a traffic light. I saw a gas station to the right and I was kicking myself because I had already opted to get in the left lane and turn left. I have no intention to make any sudden movements, so I'm just gonna wait it out at this light and hope he doesn't come running up to the car with his gun drawn.

When the light turned green I signaled and inched out so that he had no question that I wasn't trying to run. I turned my hazards back on and inched along, but I still have no intention of stopping until I reach one of these restaurants or gas stations up ahead. I'm barely out of my turn when he turns on the sirens and then the loudspeaker and starts barking orders. "PULL OVER TO THE RIGHT SHOULDER!!! PULL OVER TO THE SHOULDER!!"

Oh boy, here we go...

Why couldn't these gas stations be just 100 yards closer...ugghhhh man....I can feel it. It's about to go down right here, right now. And that's exactly what happened. Homie does a super-cop super maneuver and swings the patrol car in front of my car in a way that I'm either gonna slam on my brakes or I'm gonna hit the cop car. I slam on my brakes, and even though I'm kinda shocked by what just happened I know I gotta make sure I chill. I put the car in park and turn off the car. He jumps out the car. I roll down my window and start yelling like "What are you doing?!?!" But it's too late homie's already at level 12 on a 10 point scale. "Get out of the car! Get out of the car!"

He opened my door and starts pulling on my arm trying to pull me out of the car. He's twisting my arm and yelling, "Get out of the car!" He pulls out the cuffs and starts locking it on my wrist. All the while I'm like, "What did I do?!?!" You can't come dragging me out of my car like a criminal and I didn't break any laws.

I know this isn't right, but then I get to thinking...Im in Tennessee, I'm in the middle of nowhere, he's already outta control, and he's got a gun. This situation can get real ugly, real fast. I figure the safest decision is to just comply with him. I get out of the car. He turns me around and he seriously starts cuffing me. I'm actually really shocked and surprised, but then he opens the back door to the patrol car and tells me get in. I have not intention of getting in the back of the car. So I sit down on the back seat, but I'm not trying to put my feet in. And we're just kinda goin back and forth. "Why didn't you stop?!?!," he screamed. "Man I'm not stoppin on no dark highway! This is TENNESSEE!!!" We go back and forth until I finally turn and put my feet in.

He went around and got in, radioed in his stop, then we're goin back and forth again. "Why didn't you stop?!?! When you don't stop you're evading arrest!!!" That's when I reply, "I don't know who I'm dealin wit! I don't know you! I'm tryin to get to some lights!!!! I put my hazards on and slowed down that oughtta tell you I'm not tryna run!"

Then he got out, checked my car and motioned to the cars waiting on the street to move on by (we were clocking traffic from an off ramp and from the street). The whole time I'm sitting there thinkin that I can't believe I'm actually sittin in the back of a cop car. I've been read my rights before for some craziness I did in high school, but I've never actually been cuffed and thrown in the back of an actual cop car.

Let me add right here that you don't ever wanna be cuffed and thrown into a cop car. there's no space back there. My legs are pretty long so my knees are mashed up against the back of the front seat and thus pushing me back up against the backseat. But that's the worst part because your hands are cuffed behind your back. The cuffs were on super tight and when you combine that with your wrists all bent and pushing up against the back seat, you got the makings of a very uncomfortable situation. The only recourse is to turn your legs sideways and lean your shoulder sideways against the back seat to take the pressure of your wrists. Life-lesson: Don't get cuffed and thrown into a cop car.

Finally, he comes back to the car, opens the door and tells me, "Step out of the car. I am not detaining you any more, but you have to see it from my perspective. You didn't stop when I flashed my lights. Most people stop when I turn on my lights. The constitution states...blah blah blah...you made think you could be anybody. You could be a robber, a murderer. I don't know who I got here. All I'm thinking is why isn't this guy stopping? You could've been loading a gun...blah blah blah...Where is your wallet? I just need to check and make sure you are who you say you are.

Mind you, I'm still in the cuffs. He feels for my wallet, pulls it out, and puts me back in the back seat (cuffs still on). He gets back in the car, calls in my license, confirms my identity, then gets back out, motions more cars to move on, moves my car out of the street (we're still blocking traffic), get's back in the car and moves it up behind mine.

Then he comes back opens my door, lets me out, and finally takes the cuffs off. He proceeds to lecture me about the letter of the law and how his perspective of the situation led him to take such an aggressive approach. He proceeded to tell me he understands why I didn't want to stop and that he's a good guy just trying to obey the laws and not like those guys who beat up Rodney King. He said He grew up on the Southside of Chicago, and that he understands the stuff that goes on with cops in the city. It sounds a lot worse now that I'm typing it. Point is, he was working hard trying to apologize and make it clear that he had no ill intent. Nevertheless, he said he had to give me a warning for records sake.

I was just happy to be out of those cuffs, but kinda stunned and shocked by the craziness that just took place. Then, as I drove off I turned the radio back up and heard that the game was over. All this drama caused me to miss the end of the game. Thanks a lot for a wonderful evening Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The more I thought about it, I wondered if he would've took it to such a high level if I were a middle-aged white woman, or a senior white male. But because I'm a young black male wearing a black jacket, black bubble vest, and a black hat, I'm already at a gross disadvantage. Sad story. True story. A story that just about every black male can regurgitate for you in some way shape or form (especially if they're from the hood).

And that's exactly what Jay-Z is referring to in "99 Problems." It doesn't matter if he has drugs in the car or not. The cop admittedly pulled him over for "doing fifty-five in a fifty-fo." He immediately takes it to the next level of wanting him to get out of the car and to search him and all this extra stuff with no actual probable cause. The verse is about police harassment and the challenge of being black in America. It's hard to catch a break even if you're a pastor, author, and doctoral student. How hard do you think it is if you grew up in a poor, single-parent home in a Brooklyn housing project?

You probably had a hard time listening to the song because he used the "B" word so much, but that's another one of his problems one of his problems. If you listened closely to the song, he doesn't even talk about women. And that's just it. People are so appalled and embarrassed by him, they don't even take the time to hear him and the problems he's really dealing with.

I hear you Jay, and I feel you. I got 99 problems too.

If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a cop ain't one.